zone out
It’s been a rough couple of days… My cousin got admitted to the hospital about 2 days ago. He got knocked down by a van and he got dragged under it. His legs, collarbone and ribcage are broken and his kidney and lungs are bruised. His operation has been postponed 2 times already because he’s not stabilized enough to go through it. I’m really praying and hoping for the best.
Anyways, the ordeal made me think about a lot of these for the past few days… Like what would I do if I had a second chance at life? People always say they take life for granted but I never really knew what it meant. Speeding towards the hospital the other day felt exactly like 2 years ago when my sister and I were rushing to the hospital just before my uncle passed away- like a little deja vu moment. And to tell you the truth I was fucking scared the same thing would happen again.
I realised I haven’t been doing much with my life until now. Nothing. Much. At. All. I’ve been merely existing and not living. I’m just breathing and not fully ‘alive’. I haven’t found much meaning to life either. I’m just trying to survive each day the best I can. But I just don’t feel… satisfied? Is that even the word for it? All I do is mope about all day, spend my days in bed, sleeping to block everything and everyone out. I don’t really want that in the long run. I want to live. But something’s just stopping me from that. I feel like I’m a ghost of myself. Meh. Right now, my cousin is in a very critical stage.
So honestly there’s nothing to do but pray. :/
@thesyntheorem
Yeah. I think I’m almost at your position at the start of the year. And in all honesty I’m beginning not to give a fuck anymore but it’s sad. Remember what I told you all when we were walking to town? yeah something like that. I can do so many things, really I can but my feelings and conscience get in the way. Anyways, talk to you about it on Friday or something :)
Realizations- Part 1
Was talking to K the other night over the phone about general stuff, life and friends. Anyways, she was saying how she kept getting screwed over by her best friends but this time it’s worse because they keep happening consecutively. I think, there comes a point in life where you just have to leave certain people in your life behind. I think it applies to everyone even me. I know how K feels and obviously she isn’t in the best state now. That’s why I made it a point from the start to trust only a very special handfull of people in my life. Honestly there is no use in being nice to people when they always turn around and stab you in the back or when they happen to remember you only when they need something. Everyone gets tired of that after awhile- you can put up with it for only so long. Even you deserve more than that, everyone does. No point in putting in so much effort when it’s not reciprocated even in the slightest way. So I told K, “You know we both need to choose our friends properly next time”. I guess we’re tired of being the spare tire sometimes. Coming to MI, was a good AND bad decision but I don’t really regret it. I met people I could trust and learn to love. And in all honesty 2010 wasn’t all that bad because of them. I’m glad I went to MI because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have met some of the most wonderful people in my life.
Amor
I don’t know why I said I hated MI so much at the start of the year. It was probably because I didn’t know these guys yet + Ross who is missing from the picture. All it took was 21 days to love them (Sarah, Eugene, Hanan and Ross). I don’t think I’ve ever been so attached to anyone before. Even when I was away for a family holiday, I constantly thought of them and of the good times we had in Germany. From Hanan’s little slip of the tongue (erection instead of reaction), to Eugene’s too-much-info blabbering, Ross suddenly breaking out into songs and Sarah’s BANANA. And the night we spent clubbing at Lokhaus would be remembered for *various reasons* HAHAH. In a few years, we’ll be making our return trip to Germany, I really hope things wouldn’t have changed drastically by then. Because they mean a lot to me already and it’d honestly break my heart to lose ties with anyone of them :’(
I can’t wait to meet them. Err, I think we have plans for this Friday? not sure. But whatever it is, as long as I’m with them I know things will be just fine.
Dearest Sarah, Eugene, Hanan and Ross…. Ich Liebe Dich. <3333 We have yet to write our pact. ;)
Amor.
Back from Family Trip, haven’t done much. Lazing around at home. I’ve no mood to update right now but just felt that I should scribble something down to keep this blog alive. I’ll give a proper update soon.
EVERYTIME I LISTEN TO LIKE A G6 OR FORGET YOU:
I’m reminded of Hanan, Eugene, Sarah and Ross. ICH LIEBE DICH <33333
i like it rough
Been spending the last few hours back in Singapore talking to Tarek and Sarah online because I couldn’t sleep and moping about being back in Singapore. I know some of you are already tired of hearing me whine about being back, but that’s because you don’t know the intensity of how much Germany has affected me. 21 days, that’s all it took.
Waking up knowing you’re going to spend time with your hosts and friends, inside jokes, little gossips, huddling together for a group hug in the cold, singing along to G6, clubbing with friends at Lokhaus, heart-to-heart talks, little moments that made the trip. It’ll definitely take a long time to get over this feeling. The moment I left Hamburg, I knew a part of me would never be the same again. Then the little fears started creeping in- what if Julia (my host) and I would end up not bothering about each other’s life anymore? what if I lose the great friendships I’ve had with the people I went to Germany with? what if we became complete strangers all over again?
The trip, brought most of us together. I had a great time with Hanan, Ross, Eugene, Sarah especially. It’ll be kind of sad if we passed each other in school without even a glimpse at each other. 21 days was all it took to love these people. :’)
Then there were the guys from Marne… who will always have a place in my heart. They showed so much sincerity, kindness and love. I was reading Julia’s letter in the plane back to Singapore and started crying again. A week was enough to consider her a part of my family and vice versa. I love our heart-to-heart talks and little funny moments with her family. And what touched me the most was the effort she made to find out more about my religion before I came so that she would not do anything that might offend me and how her mother said she would drive all the way to Neustadt to pick me up if I didn’t like it there. Marne, forever in my heart.
My week in Neustadt brought about a lot of realizations- both good and bad. Even so, I had a good time with everyone at Lokhaus singing and dancing our hearts out through the night and bumping the “extra” person out of our circle.
GERMANY 2010, forever in my heart.
Took this picture in a castle in Germany, near the borders of Denmark
undisclosed desires
it’s my last 2 nights in Germany. To be honest, I don’t really want to leave. Okay sure, I miss Singapore and my family but I’m not even homesick. It was good to get away from everything and spend 3 weeks in a foreign country with my friends. I’m not ready to face the suffocating life in Singapore. I love it here. I made wonderful friends, had the time of my life and experienced living on my ’own’.
Last night we went clubbing at Lokhaus with our hosts. The best part was, it was planned by the school. I mean, ?!?!?!?! had the time of our lives. Danced non-stop till about 5 or so in the morning and it was the best night ever. We were all in 2 circles- the inner circle consisting of the Singaporeans and the outer circle consisted of our hosts. And apparently that was the reason why we got so many stares and people asking to dance with us because the whole group was so enthu about it- singing the songs and hardcore dancing while everybody else was just scattered on the dancefloor. having fun with my friends all through the night was absolute <3
will post some pictures soon on tumblr, fb and my photoblog :]
